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Advice for dating a jewish man

The Jewish approach warns us not to “love in spite of yourself”, but to love “because of yourself”. Enter into the love relationship with your eyes open, not with your eyes closed.

The theme repeated everywhere in novels and movies is that “I am in love and my love is beyond my control”; “I fell in love”; it was as though someone pushed me off a cliff and it was all accidental and unintentional.If you find that you are “falling”, realize while your eyes are still open, while you can still think clearly and objectively, who this person is for whom you are falling.By whom, I refer to background, commitment, education, character, personality, family, friends, values, concern for others, goals and ideals—the things that really count—not the external, superficial things, some of which may be “put on”. Fall in love deliberately, with control, not on the rebound, or because you’re simply “in love with love”.All this is a matter of decency, honesty and fairness to yourself, to the other person involved, and to your family and Jewish tradition.It is a pre-condition of authentic and lasting love.There is no ultimate danger if a girl employs her femininity to charm a young man into turning a fleeting interest into a more serious one.Young men, however, sometimes deceive a young woman into thinking that they are in love, while all they want is a physical relationship.Nor is romantic love an end in itself, so that it cannot and should not be accepted in defense of any type of behavior in any male-female relationship which is less than a properly controlled one.Such explanations as “We couldn’t help ourselves, we just fell in love”, or “we didn’t realize what was happening” are excuses, not reasons, because people usually do realize very well indeed, what is happening; they all too often try to convince themselves that certain forms of intimacy are justified because the two individuals concerned happen to be truly in love.Fall in love only after you have come to know yourself, not because you feel insecure and think “no one loves me”, and not because you don’t get along with your parents and are anxious to leave home.Don’t let your craving for acceptance or love lead you to throw yourself at the first person who gives you a tumble or is “pliable” in physical conduct.

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