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She said Mormons get married about three years earlier than the national average.“It’s just sort of what we do as members of the church,” Finlayson-Fife said.I do feel a bit judged, but it’s not overwhelming,” Vandagriff said.“It’s mostly just hard when you go to a workplace where there’s a lot of LDS people and many of them are younger than you, and they’re all married and you’re the sole single person there.“We don’t wait around to get married.” Finlayson-Fife believes the idea of marrying young in Mormon culture derives from “cultural bias” and from counsel given by church leaders.She said the young marriage trend isn’t necessarily good or bad — “it just is.” “If someone falls out of that norm, then they sort of feel that pressure,” she said.“There’s a very definite trend where the older you get — the closer you get to 30 — while being unmarried, the more likely you are to leave the church or to go inactive,” Vandagriff said.“I remember I was 26 or 27 at the time, but I saw this very clear correlation and now I understand why it is.” Vandagriff said he believes the culture in the church can push people away, sometimes because of the doctrine centered on families.

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A BYU graduate from Mission Viejo, California, Rodger now lives in Salt Lake City, where she said she feels less cultural pressure to get married.“It was great in the time of my life when I was there, but it really did become time for me to move on because it was impacting my self-esteem.” Arnesen lived in the Provo area for about six years of her single adult life, and said she didn’t feel a lot of understanding from her peers.Now, she lives in Pleasant Grove and said the median age in her YSA ward is about 24-25.She said she has heard people are even more open outside of Utah, even within Mormon culture.BYU assistant professor Justin Dyer said part of the reason people feel judgment or pressure if they are not married during their undergraduate years comes from the idea of on-time and off-time transitions, where people in a particular culture believe “certain things should happen in a certain order.” He said every culture develops timelines, and that they are not unique to Mormons.Editor’s note: Members of the LDS Church embrace a theology that includes a daily quest for personal perfection, if not in this life, then in the afterlife.That quest can become toxic if it morphs into self-righteousness and judgment of how well others meet one’s own internal standard.This is part of the reason Rodgers moved to Salt Lake City.“I still love Provo a lot, and I don’t ever knock it,” Rodger said.Jennifer Finlayson-Fife is a licensed psychotherapist who works primarily with LDS couples and singles.There is a “strong cultural push,” Finlayson-Fife said, for Mormons to get married early.


  1. Sep 21, 2017. He has also been punched in the face in an altercation over dating, one of the few subjects that can rile Mormon men. Growing up, Brown was taught that marriage was his raison d'être. "I had fantasies of being married since basically as young as I can remember," he said. Mormon doctrine holds that.

  2. Aug 28, 2015. Utah single women, we have some bad news — the odds in the dating are in the men's favor. reasons for the disparity of genders changing norms for marriage, LDS culture, unique requirements in mate selection, economic demands on adults, many devout LDS men getting married early and more.

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